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Saturday, November 18, 2017 | 11:51 PM | 0 comments
hi, assalamualaikum

kinda negative-broken post untuk kali ni. walaupun kepala hotak dah banyak kali suruh post pasal pergi penang, kl but still urgh. just finished allll offf myyyy testttt for this semester. dapat la bernafas sikit before start focus with group project pulak and final. setakat ni baru ada 3 group project and another tu rasanya ada yg takde and ada yg lambat...kot. belum lagi dgn pe. huhuhu. stress sikit kepala otak dengan study dengan personal problem, family problem. tapi alhamdulillah family tu just kes minor jaaa.

act rn, aku taktahu apa yg aku rasa. maybe a little heartless. sikit jelah. cause at time, i still miss him. idk whts wrong with me tho, at times, i feel grateful that we broke up, cause at least we can fix ourselves and focus on studies. but then, i feel sad, a bad one. crying over the days. cry myself to sleep and awake with tears. idk. someday i will become a very weak person that cry easily over sad songs and everything. even after all this time, we still fought over small things. and we sometimes we dont fix the problem.

someday, all i need just a hug, a shoulder, a hand to comfort me everytime i have my own breakdown. but i know, i dont hv any. all i got is my own back. i miss him. i miss everything about him. i miss our late night talk. when he called at 2/3 am. i miss his blabbering over something. i miss our video call sessions. long distance relationship is hard. i know. its never easy and we did not even make it. its okay, things happen. and yeah i need to go on with my life.

i still remember tho, the very first time i met him. not literally met since that time i just see him from afar. takde urusan masatu dengan dia. kenal macam tu haha. then we met masa lepas spm, kat mydin. still remember tho how i am masatu. kinda kelakar juga. sebab kena usik teruk dengan member kedai sebelah tempat aku kerja tu. pergh ahahah. tapi tulah. masatu takde apa pun sebenarnya. lepas daripada tu, masing masing sambung belajar, aku delete teruih no dia hahah kejam terox. buat hal masing masing ja masatu. tegur pun sekali dua je. sekejap sekejap. and tak sangka benda contact balik setahun lepas lead us to this.

betullah orang kata. unexpected person at unexpected time. daripada satu ayat gurauan lead to something balik. aku lah tu. hahaha lead to exchange of no. everything happen again. walaupun ada sekali tu broken sikit sebab macam kena undirectly reject hahaha boleh try cari post lama lama. the day, bila dia ada cakap something yg agak la bagi aku sedih sikit, masatu macam kelakar. aku terus give up. nekad terox nak move on sampaikan makan pun takde selera, muka sedih je hahaha tapi tulah. tetiba malam tu dia ajak otp and lead to what we have :')

lol tetiba keluar lagu back to december. hahaha. nevermind its become memories tho. a priceless memories. even after the fight we always have, my feeling still didnt even change. the words he said. idk why. i still feeling the same and even more than before. but i guess when i hv enough, it will gone. idk when. because words bleed no matter what. even so, i hope so the feeling doesnt faded. because i can remind myself how selfless i am when it come to love. because he's the great thing happen in my life. i got my own bestfriend and boyfriend at the same time. but still, i just want the pain to go. i barely survived when it comes to the pain ive endured.

and right now, i keep active and deactivate my twtr acc. haha. tapi sekarang dah diactivate kan dulu until i found my positive self balik. i dont even want to spread any negative vibe, so i should just stop at a moment. let me, myself be broken. i wish i could be more stronger than i am now. tapi alhamdulillah sekarang pun dah getting better. walaupun emotionally tak stable hahah. i miss you, my once 'myman' :)

us.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017 | 6:45 AM | 0 comments
hi, assalamualaikum.

pernah nak post pasal dia ni dulu. tapi benda asyik tangguh last last post tu di simpan as a draft dan jadi habuk dah lol haha. kali ni, inshaAllah kalau nampak tu ada lah tu lol hahah. 
he's a friend to keep, a bestfriend to cherish, a boy to be with and a man to love.
for me its him. tapi takde rezeki, its over between us. no more us. and tipulah kalau kata aku tak sedih. entahlah sampai sekarang aku tak move on lagi. belum redha mungkin. ye tahu, penting redha. but i just cant. things become with with myself. i cant handle myself rn. a can keep laughing and pretend to be okay but no, im dying inside. even if i told myself to redha, i know i cant. but sure, i will.

kalau pernah dengar lagu apa tu namanya, oh ye, tajuk oh si kacak by maisarah part awal tu remind me of him. hahaha for me, he's handsome whaaaat. he has his own attractiveness. he's caring. he's taking care of his friend a lot. he plays guitar. he gave a lot motivation to me and whoever in needed. and mostly he's the one i love. he's once my bestfriend since i only got him as my guy friend yg aku selalu share problem, share story, cari gaduh, and dia rajin call during our high school. but we always kept lost contact. but then, december last year i guess? we start contact again, exchange no, and we going to the next level. 

i still remember our earlier to be in this relationship. we otp at the morning, sometimes he called even it in 2/3 am. he just called and we talked. even masatu dedua tengah dalam study week. and then we met after two years tak jumpa. dia datang rumah amik. the memories still fresh in my mind 😊 and tak lama tu we start our long distance relation balik. dia, serdang, aku skudai. 300km apart. rindu semua tu tak usah cakap la. and ada sekali dia datang utm dgn member dia untuk jumpa aku. even aku segan masatu but still i appreciate his effort. dia ada datang jugak dgn ketum, member dia. ride with pride katanya sambil bawa gitar hahah. 

and ada sekali tu dia datang utm lagi but ths time drive amik aku bawak keluar. masa ni jauh jugak perjalanan. haha skudai-jb-pg-skudai. and lepastu teman dia siapkan kerja dia sikit kat depan dsr. kalau pernah terbaca post post aku before, kitorg ada krisis and tak lama lepastu jumpa, iftar sesama pergi bazar pastu drive pergi tesco makan kat sana. and lepastu we together balik. long story short, masatu we good. since masatu cuti sem, kitorg keluar makan sushi, pergi open house together. dia kenal one of my bestfriend, fatin nabilah. before dia balik serdang sebab ada kem 2 minggu, we met. masatu ingat dia dah tak balik masa birthday dia, so i gave him his birthday present. masatu bagi brownies, kemeja, balang gambar. haha sorry tak berapa sweet. ceh.

and after that dia kem 2 minggu kat sisfec. masatu memang rindu teruk gak la sebab tak contact apa semua. dah nama pun kem kan. nak wat gapo lagi eyy haha. tapi lepas dia balik tu yaAllah gembira dia tak payah cakap. sangat tau. and before birthday dia tu pun dia ada balik and sempat jumpa 30 ke 31 ogos gitu. birthday dia 1 sept. masatu aku balik kampung so masa birthday dia srs takde kat jb huhu. masa dah balik pg pun dia dah nak balik serdang balik. and tak sempat jumpa. and yeah ldr balik. since dah start new sem kan. dua dua makin busy, makin takde masa. and masani banyak konflik. asyik gaduh. punca dedua mungkin. and maybe lack of communication since dedua pendam.

a week before kot, sebelum terjadi yg kali ni, kitorg gaduh teruk lagi sampai bawa tu end of relationship. tapi malam tu dia balik jb dari serdang. esoknya kami jumpa sebab dah lama tak jumpa kot? and masa tu masih lagi jadi kawan. after the met up tu, getback balik. hehe. and before habis mid sem break, dia otw nak balik serdang, dia ride datang batu pahat semata aku mintak nak jumpa dia kejap. and we met at bp mall kebetulan aku nak cari sandal masatu. diai jumpa ibu dgn ayus. kami okay kejap before....isnin tu. gaduh lagi. paling teruk yang menyebabkan berlaku apa yg terjadi sekarang 😞 i admit masatu aku salah, dah tahu dia penat study, ada test, ada training tapi cakap lepas, cari pasal. lelaki mana tak bengang kan :) and start situ, dia confess semua. and i guess dia dah banyak bersabar, banyak tersiksa, serabut semua and aku lepaskan dia. for his own good.

for this time, i let him go. even its hard. bila aku rasa aku dah boleh lepaskan dia, dah boleh hidup tanpa dia, aku salah. im far from it. aku boleh gelak macam orang takde masalah langsung padahal... aku rindu. for once, aku harap aku boleh cepat redha. aku dah tak larat nak nangis banyak kali. i just want this pain to go away. aku nak meratap kesedihan aku ni pun tak elok jugak. huhu. for me, i know its hard to move on, but i hope just forgetting the pain is enough. at least aku dapat focus balik on my studies is okay. bukan taknak move on terus dari dia ke apa. cuma aku tahu, aku belum mampu. untuk lupakan terus dia, kenangan, semua. kalau before, dua relationship aku, aku yang end kan. kali ni tak. mungkin ni antara penyebab aku dapat balik apa aku buat. lol huhu

for him, i wish the best for you. aku tak pernah benci kan kau and i will never be. its hard for me to hate you sebab aku tahu, aku akan lagi benci diri aku. and i forgive the mistakes we did, gaduh pesemua, and i really respect yr decision and also thanks for yr honesty. whoever yg akan jadi suri hati dia in future, jagalah dia baik baik. fahamkan dia. try ikut rentak dia. and pls, jagakan dia sebaik mungkin. cherish him as much as you can. take care of him please. kalau dia tegur apa apa, sebaiknya berubahlah. jangan ikut kepala sangat. ive done my part. so whoever the next, take care of him and cherish him. and hv a good communication. okay dah dua kali ulang cukup kot.

i know, without me, you hv better life. you got yr life back. the happy you. im glad. really. even if it mean to lose you. its okay. but for once, if you read this, i love you and i miss you. thankyou for all the memories. too much effort you gv in our 10 months. and i really appreciate it. im glad you came. you mean so much to me after both my parents and family. take care of yrself. jangan lupa solat and jangan pernah tinggal okay. jangan serabut lagi. i know you hv yr own way nak release benda tu. and thanks for everything you did for me. kalau rasa tak suka benda ni di post di sini, just tell me and i will take ths down. walaupun sebenarnya benda ni untuk diri sendiri bila terbaca ke apa hehe. jaga diri 😊💕


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