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just a thought
Tuesday, November 28, 2017 | 7:10 PM | 0 comments

hi. haha im still trying to be positive tho. for myself. sebab selalunya, aku akan fikir negative pasal diri sendiri. orang lain aku positive terox but not for me. hmm. sokay, you will qila sooner or later. have faith!

oh yeah, i watch one video from ig story a friend of mine. video tu act dalam twitter and the one yg selalu buat video tu mmg famous sebab she always upload videos like that. her words always inspiring and of course its about islam. and some of her words in the video,
focus towards what we already hv instead of focusing what we dont have. bcs let me tell you, if we keep focusing on the thing that we dont have, tht game is never gonna end. we will always hv something that we dont hv and it gets tiring dont you think?
yup, focus wht you hv. and be grateful no matter what. i hv my own family no matter how miserable sometimes we can be. its still my family. and im grateful to hv them. even sometimes i lost respect to my own sister but i still grateful to hv her as my sister. no hatred no matter what. saya ni pendam tapi bukan pendendam. hahaha aku ni jahat tapi ada jugak baiknya. ceh perasan. 

esok dah balik, dapat jumpa riha. kangen banget. and alhamdulillah, harini dah siap submit semua assignment yg kena siapkan. im so stress this week. dengan personal problem dengan study but alhamdulillah i manage to get through the hectic week with Allah will. dah boleh bernafas kejap sebelum start next week yg akan lagi hectic with assign data struct, video prototype hci, lab test data struct, proceed project etc etc. but for now, let me breathe and focus on my private life kejap. walaupun macam agak payah, but i need to. hmm. hv a nice day to whoever yg read walaupun tahu takde siapa hahah.

Friday, November 24, 2017 | 11:30 PM | 0 comments

hehe after a tiring day today. lol padahal bangun terlambat. takdelah qada tidur ke apa. cuma tah rasa penat sangat sampai tah la hahaha. but i not wonder why i sleep a lot. im done with this. teringat, flashback is a normal thing. but to cry.... i hope im better not do the job anymore. 

most important thing i need to do is, redha. redha dengan ujian, dugaan and what happen to me rn. because everything happen for a reason. theres a reason why we in relationship and everything between us teach us something. and im glad, because of him, i learnt something. more than that i guess. one of it, im become open up to my mom rather than keep it to myself. focus on the bright side and fix the negative one. there's a friend, yg bila tengok aku broken, dia buat story tapi tak mention aku. tapi aku one of the people she mean is me. i wish i could hv her positive side. and this one girl. yg tak pernah lost contact dgn aku tapi selalu balas ws lambat, tak kira aku atau dia. kadang dah blutik tapi balas sehari dua selepas. her words :') it make me cry. it grateful way sebab ada lagi orang nak ingatkan aku pasal benda macam tu selain daripada my mom. and im grateful for today, i already hv a positive me back. alhamdulillah.

aku bangun, dalam kepala aku, sampai bila kau nak jadi macam ni. thanks to farah ain. dia yg sedarkan aku sekejap dengan ayat 'mana qila masa zaman matrik' i miss myself in my matrik life. all i need is to be success and achieve my goals. but then he came. and i never regret it. serious. im glad i have him in my life. bcs hes my everything after my family and hes been there through thick and thin. but things between us is hard. and thats why aku redha. i need to let him go. not only him, but everything about us. the memories. everything. maybe sebab aku dah luahkan sikit apa yg aku pendam between us to him. thats why aku rasa aku dah redha. inshaAllah this time aku seriously redha. no more tears. inshaAllah.

the thought of him with someone else, that he has someone better, someone that he need to take care of physically and mentally, its hurt. yup i admit it hurts. im no longer the one. im no longer the one that makes he laugh or smile or whatever. no, im not the one anymore. even if it hurts a lot, i should let it go. its his choice and life. all i need to do redha and pray the best for him. i know this is cliche, but inshaAllah i will be happy if he happy. and he is now. so i should be happy too aite?

i dont know wht hes going through before. but when he told me, and i know its hard. i know its hard if i in his shoes. i just hope he will stay positive and stay strong. may Allah ease the way you get through. and since we're over, and he's found someone to cherish, i should go. away from his life. all i can do, watch him from afar. and pray the best for him. even to let all this go is hard, to walk away is hard, i really have to do this. for him, for me, for us. im already a nothing. and i dont want to ruin what he have now and ruin his relationship. so, i better go. away from his life. you will be miss. for sure you will :) 
if you happened to read this someday, take care, jangan tinggal solat, jangan tingal al quran, jgn tinggal Allah. Stay positive even its hard. yup, its hard but it doesnt mean its impossible. remind that to yourself, okay? put the rest to Allah and have faith in Him. Bersangka baik dengan Allah :)
Everybody has a past,
Everybody lives a present,
And everybody deserves a future.
Mari jadi Adamantium! - anthem, hlovate 

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